Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Tim Hortons - Proudly Serving Piss Water

I'll say it, and I'm gonna say it.  This may be the most controversial thing ever stated by a Canadian, but to hell with it.  "Tim Hortons sucks.  It is just a bullshit corporate chain that serves low quality goods."  There it is.  You are welcome.

I see how people don't want to make conscious choices as it is easier to follow the habits of yesterday.  My Dad does it all the time and Tim Hortons is his routine "go to spot" for coffee and the like.  In his mind he says, "This spots good.  What's wrong with this spot?  Nothing."  But there is always this:

"Tim Hortons has found itself in the midst of a controversy after a teen suffering from an asthma attack asked to use the phone to call for help, but was turned down.
It happened on Sunday when Brett Wolfe, 17, stopped at a Tim Hortons on Horton Street East and Wellington Street, in downtown London, Ont.
While inside, he started having breathing problems and asked to use the phone.
"They said, 'There's a payphone across the street.'  Well, I said 'I need to call 911, I'm short of breath, I'm having an asthma attack' and they just ignored me.- CBC News
This is not directly Tim Hortons' fault as much as it is their shitty employees, but why wouldn't their employees help this man?  Why the tight following of protocol?  Was there an incident before where someone was fired for not following direct protocol?  Are their employees that unhappy that they are unwilling to help their customers? 
Or how about this one:
"After being fired for giving away a Timbit to a baby and hastily reinstated when the doughy dilemma hit the media, single mom Nicole Lilliman says she'll collect her much-needed Tim Hortons paycheque until she can find work elsewhere." - CBC News
This is what happens with corporations - the employee naturally becomes/or is directed to become disconnected with humanity, essentially becoming a robot who follows rules made by a lawyer in HR.  Do you think this would happen at a local Mom and Pop business that is operated by people of the community?  I don't.
This is a tangent getting off the subject of just how low quality the products of Tim Hortons really are.  So lets get back to it.  The company was created in the 60's by a hockey player, Tim Horton, and his colleague Jim Charade.  What do these two men know about good coffee?  Do they care about coffee?  Do they live the essence of the bean?  I just don't think so - and I also don't think anyone who owns a Tim Hortons gives a shit either.  I've been in NY for about 13 years and I must say that through my original naivety, helpful hands and an open mind I have gained a fairly decent handle on good coffee.  I can now, as I couldn't before, taste the quality of the bean, enjoy the rich experience of espresso w/ a side of soda water and literally appreciate the people who curate the coffee culture.  Speed freaks most of them are, sure.  That's what coffee is - a natural amphetamine that we take during our day to boost us up.  But, it is more than just a boost it really is a very tasteful and delicious drink when done well.  

So yes, I am a coffee fan.  Not a fanatic because I don't live coffee like some people, but I do like a great cup of coffee.  Many people in Canada utter those words and then pull up to the Tim Hortons window to order a double double of piss.  That's right - piss.  Tim Hortons coffee tastes like piss and I think that when you go through the drive-thru, order your cup of joe and get to the window there should just be a person there who pisses in your mouth.  Want to order a double double?  Then when you get to the window there are two guys there - one to piss in your face and the other to jerk off on you.  Then when they are both finished they take handfuls of sugar and throw them in your face.  The sad thing is that I believe so many Canadians are brainwashed to Tim Hortons that they would still go there.  HA!! 
I'm cynical, I get it.  But sorry folks we've been lied to - this coffee is awful.  It's okay, don't be upset by it just do something about it.  We've been lied to before by corporations like McDonalds, "We don't market unhealthy food to kids."  Happy Meals anyone?  The Clean Coal campaign from the major coal companies of the world.  Really clean coal?  It's like companies who say they have 'entry level' workers in their company when they really have 'unpaid interns'.  It's all just pizza and fairy tales.  They'll say anything to help their margin and they don't give a shit about you, their employees or the state of the world.
The other things on the menu at Tim Hortons?  Wheat and sugar.  Sourced locally?  Or just from where ever the cheapest price is?  I'd bet on the later.  So wheat and sugar - probably a couple of the worst things a human being could consume for themselves.  It contributes to weight gain, IBS, diabetes, and on and on.  How are these things not regulated?  People say the market will regulate itself, but I gotta say that old habits die hard and if the government can put a label on cigarettes saying, "Smoking will kill you."  Why not do the same for places that only serve food that will do the same?
Sorry Tim, but in my mind Canada is better off without you.

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