Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Coffee Shop Creepy

Looking to add some excitement to the routine of your day? Well give this one a try:

     First find a store that sells condoms - your local deli, a drug store or even a love boutique.  Find the condom section and pick out a box of Magnum condoms (If you are a man you're finally, actually, going to get to use the Magnums that you buy :)) and take them to the cashier.  Upon reaching the cash register place the condoms on the counter allowing the cashier to see them, pick them up and as they do you utter these words, "I bought those for us."  BOOM.  Now take in a deep breath and allow the feeling of utter creepiness fill the room.  The cashier will look up at you and at this point you will see utter confusion and fear on a face that you have never seen before.  Give that moment time to breath allowing both you and the clerk to share in this experience together.  Then, you say, "Just kidding. I'll take a pack of cigarettes and two lottery tickets please."  When you continue through your life you will always have that moment to bring a smile to your face.

    So that creepy moment is intentional and gives life a little salt and pepper. However this next story is a bit different.   I went in to a coffee shop the other day and upon entering the store I saw two young men getting their coffees from the back counter near the rear of the coffee joint.  One young man had a shaved head, beady eyes, a pointy nose along with high stiff shoulders while the other had a soft face, a bowl haircut, his sleeves were ripped off of his plaid lumber jacket revealing a small anchor tattoo (I doubt he ever sailed though) and he had green cargo pants on.  As I approached the counter they sat down at a table, passing me on their way.  I ordered my chai latte (yes I love chai lattes) and went to the back counter to wait for my drink to be prepared by the barista.  She quickly gave me my latte with a smile and walked toward the front of the counter where the soft faced young man had positioned himself.  I grabbed the cinnamon shaker, removed the lid from my latte and as I was just about to shake a light splatter of cinnamon on my frothy drink I heard the soft faced boy speak, "Can I get a napkin?" He inquired. "Sure," responded the barista. The words that follow are verbatim as they are etched in my mind forever, "So, you have to be eighteen to work here right?" Asked the soft faced boy. The cinnamon shaker in my hand shook leaving a large splatter of cinnamon on my drink.  However the shaker was not shaken by my mind going, "Hey we need some cinnamon, lets shake this thing."   Nope.  Instead the cinnamon shaker shook because when the boy uttered these words a shiver poured down my body starting at the crown of my head and working its way through my neck, arms and spine then filling my entire body with one vile quiver. Agggghhh, I thought. But the barista without pausing to think responded, "Some of us are and some of us aren't." "Ha, ha, ha!!  That a girl I thought.  Keep the creep guessing."

     I went out to my car and sat for a moment in disbelief at what I had been a part of and thought about the young man.  This is what I pictured him really saying, "Hey you have to be eighteen to work here right?  Because I have a bunch of pictures of you and I save each and every cup that you serve me and pin them to my wall and I jerk off in them thinking about you, but I just wanted to make sure you were eighteen because, well, if you weren't... that'd be pretty creepy."

There are a million pick up lines out there and a variety of ways to connect with women and I think after reading this story, for myself experiencing it, I would say that starting off with, "You have to be eighteen to work here right?"  Is not one of them.

Good luck out there Eddy it's a mad, mad world.